Ryan & Kate Classic

My, how time flies. Is it really July 21 already? The summer is cruising by. I realized today that we have gone on four vacations this summer... yes, four! We have traveled to Escalante, UT; Garden City, UT to hang out with family at Bear Lake; Rexburg, ID for Ryan's 20th high school reunion; and South Lake Tahoe, CA with our friends the Ethingtons. I have lots of great pictures and maybe one of these days I'll post some of them. My philosophy on blogging, though, is to write in the here and now. There is no "catching up" - in fact, it's a bit of a pet peeve of mine when I read that on others' blogs. Just write about what you want when you want to - there's no going back.

It's been a fun and interesting and happy and sad summer. We've kept ourselves super busy... we're trying to cram in everything before things go back to how they were before. Once the kids are gone, everything will be very silent and still. I refer to this time as Ryan & Kate Classic. That means it's just Ryan and me here at the House of B and we go long stretches of times (up to 6 months at a time) without seeing the kids or being involved in their lives other than when we can catch them on the phone. It's how things were back at the beginning when Ryan and I first met. While Ryan & Kate Classic can be pretty fun, we prefer Ryan and Kate +. I hope that's pretty obvious. We love the kids more than anything and we truly cherish every moment with them - even when they are being obnoxious teenagers who sass their parents and pick on each other!

Well, it's been a nice year with the kids in Utah. We've loved being involved in their school activities and seeing them every week. We've loved getting to know their teachers and church youth leaders. The summer has continued to offer sunny days and additional adventures. For the most part we have gotten on well with the kids' other set of parents, which has really pleased us. We felt it was a big improvement over how things have been in the past. That's why it came as a shock when we were approached by someone at the kids' church, who told us they were so happy that we were normal people and not at all what they had expected. We were quite taken aback. The person went on to say that they had been told that Ryan hadn't been involved in the kids' lives until they moved to Utah when suddenly he decided he wanted to be a dad after all. They were also told that Ryan was a terrible person, abusive, yells all the time, the two of us drink and party all the time and subject the kids to it, we tempt them to drink coffee, and we're probably alcoholics. This person said they were so relieved that we were not what they had been led to believe.

We were shocked, hurt, embarrassed, and angry. But wait, it doesn't stop here. Two more people approached us with similar stories, saying they had worried when the kids came to stay with us this summer, but they were relieved to find we were nice people and it's obvious the kids love us and are taken care of.

Even writing this now, more than a week later, I feel sick to my stomach about it. If just one person had said something, I might have just summed it up to someone being a malicious gossip trying to stir things up. But being approached by other people, completely unsolicited, is another thing entirely.

Here I thought we were getting along well. I dare even say I was feeling more friendly toward them. What a fool I've been! It's like getting the wind knocked out of me. I have shed more than a few tears over this. I've done nothing but be kind and loving and treat Nathan and Abby like my own kids, do my best to get along with people I don't always agree and whom I feel have tried to shut us out of the kids' lives, pay shared expenses as quickly as possible, buy the kids extra clothes and shoes and gifts... and this is what I get in return. Wow.

Ryan and I have done our best not to publicly smear the other people involved in the kids' lives. We have never said a word to the kids about why the divorce happened when they've asked - and believe me, there are stories to tell. It takes two to tango, friends of the blog. Trust me when I say they are not old enough to know. Another philosophy of mine is that you don't speak ill of people who are not there to defend themselves, nor do you make up malicious stories about them to make yourself look better. We don't need that in our lives. In fact, the divorce occurred going on 10 years ago... and Ryan doesn't even think about that these days. We've started our new life together and it's a lot more fun to enjoy the present than to dwell on the unpleasant past.

What to do, what to do? Nothing, I guess. The damage has been done. Initially I felt like taking some sort of vengeful action in return. But why change my character and standards because of someone else's actions? You don't always need to fight fire with fire. After I calmed down a bit (and it took me a few days), I've decided that actions speak louder than words and we'll just continue to live our lives the way we always have. I have nothing to hide and I am not ashamed of anything I've done; Ryan feels the same about his life. We all have things we wish we had said or done differently, but ultimately we are where we are because of the road we've already traveled. You learn from your mistakes, you make amends when necessary, and then you move on.

We won't hide behind a private blog or make up a perfect life. As you know, we've had a lot of challenges over the last 2 years, and we have not hidden any of that. I'm open about it on my blog and I'll keep it that way.

For now, other than this Friday night and Saturday morning when we have the kids for one last night before they move to Pennsylvania, it's back to Ryan and Kate Classic. It'll be rather boring around here. I look forward to Christmas when we'll be with the kids again and they can once again see that we're the good people we are and not the monsters we've been misconstrued as.